Can I marry an unbeliever?

Question: Can a Christian marry an unbeliever?

Answer: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…

Here are eight reasons why not.

Reason 1: It doesn’t glorify God

The goal of Christian living is to give God glory and to enjoy Him forever. 1 Corinthians 10:31 reads, “Whether you eat or drink or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God”. We could add the following phrase to Paul’s list, “Whether you get married, do all to the glory of God”. God has stipulated very clearly in His Word that His spiritual sons are to marry His spiritual daughters and vice-versa. Marrying an unbeliever does not glorify God.

Reason 2: It doesn’t honour Christ

Why did Christ die? How come He gave Himself for us? Titus 2:14 explains that He did so to redeem us from all iniquity and to “purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works”. We died with Christ. Now we walk in the power of a new life. Thankful for the Lord’s precious work of salvation, we follow Him joyfully and gleefully. Therefore we must not allow ourselves to become slaves of mere men (1 Corinthians 7:23).

Christ is our only Lord. He alone is worthy of our obedience. Let us not sin against the Saviour who redeemed us for Himself. How could anyone ever think about marrying someone whose life isn’t centred upon the jewel of jewels, the Lord Jesus? Marrying an unbeliever does not honour Christ.

Reason 3: It offends the Holy Spirit

The Spirit of God is holy, holy, holy. His ministry in the grand economy of salvation is to sanctify us and to make us evermore Christ-like. The Spirit does not desire us to marry unbelievers. 2 Corinthians 6:16 reasons in the following fashion, “What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God”.

When we get married, we become one flesh with our spouse. Therefore we must marry someone who belongs to the Lord. We should not frustrate the purpose of the Spirit for our lives! Marrying an unbeliever offends the divine Spirit.

Reason 4: It’s a violation of God’s Word

Scripture states plainly that a Christian must not marry an unbeliever. 1 Corinthians 7:39 reveals that a Christian can marry whosoever he or she pleases under one condition: “Only in the Lord”. Single saints are free to marry another disciple of Christ. The Bible is by no means opposed to marriage; but it is opposed to mixed marriages between believers and unbelievers. Marrying an unbeliever is a violation of God’s Word.

Reason 5: It’s an unequal yoke

Paul offers the image of an unequal yolk to defend the idea that Christians ought not to have fellowship with unrighteousness. Alluding to Deuteronomy 22:10, Paul commands us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

Marriage is the highest form of spiritual union and intimacy that exists. That is why Christians, if they do not have the gift of continence, must marry another believer. Marrying an unbeliever is an unequal yoke.

Reason 6: It’s selfish

If a Christian insists upon marrying his unbelieving boyfriend or girlfriend, we would do well to ask him or her this question: “Why do want to marry him/ her if you know that doing so does not glorify God, does not honour Christ, offends the Spirit, violates the Word of God and is a blatant unequal yoke?” No doubt the reply will sound something like this: “You just don’t understand. I know he/ she is not a Christian yet but he/ she comes with me to church services every weekend and he/ she makes me feel so special. He/ she says lovely things to me. He/ she loves me just as I am. He/ she understands me. We get on so well”.

This is nothing more than selfishness. Instead of putting the Lord in first place, such a believer only wants to pursue his/ her own subjective and personal whims. On the one hand, we have the perfect will of God. On the other hand, the sentimental will of the believer. And the choice is taken in favour of the believer’s flaky desires. What a tragedy! Again I say: what a tragedy! Marrying an unbeliever is sentimental selfishness.

Reason 7: It will affect your future kids spiritually

After the wedding come babies. What kind of godly example can a non-believing man or woman give to your future kids? How can an unbeliever teach great spiritual truths to your soon coming sons and daughters? He/ she can’t. It’s that simple. There is no use mincing words. Are your children somehow going to learn about the beauty of Scripture, communion with Christ via prayer and the importance of church fellowship from a non-Christian? Of course not! Would you not rather have your kids brought up in a home where the praises of the Lord are sung from morning to night? Marrying an unbeliever will have a detrimental effect on your children’s spirituality.

Reason 8: It will lead you to depression

I don’t like using selfish reasons for obeying God but I mention this eighth reason because it is something I have seen happen dozens of times over the years. I want to save you all from falling into the same trap. You meet a young Christian girl. She’s all excited because she’s going to marry her unbelieving boyfriend. So what happens next? Well, one year goes by then two and little by little she realizes that her man has no interest in the things of God whatsoever (although she should have taken that into account long before she ever thought about becoming his girlfriend).

And the one of two things will invariably occur: either the lady will go through a period of spiritual cooling until she eventually leaves the church altogether or she will keep attending church week after week in a depressed condition always asking her brethren to pray for her husband’s conversion. She leads an embittered existence with a downcast tenor and a broken spirit crying out, “What don’t You work in my husband, Lord?” She should have listened to the Lord when He told her not to marry an unbeliever. Marrying an unbeliever will lead you to spiritual depression.

Conclusion

Question: Can a Christian marry an unbeliever?

Answer: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…