Marriage in the Christian worldview can be described as a sacred institution, created by God to unite a man and a woman in a bond of love and a lifelong partnership, based on mutual support and loyalty.

But despite that this definition is not only considered important in the church context but also in society, more and more young people are avoiding this commitment or delaying the decision to enter into a marriage.

Statistics show that the number of marriages in Romania has been gradually decreasing over the last decades, while the average age of marriage has risen from 23 in 2000 to 28 in 2022.

“We are not preparing the unmarried for marriage”

Pastor Adrian Tămaș from the city of Cluj-Napoca told Romanian broadcaster Alfa Omega TV that during his years of Christian ministry, he has discovered several answers to the causes that shape this trend.

“We often prepare people for the wedding, and people prepare for the wedding, and society prepares them for the wedding, not for marriage. We preach about marriage from the perspective of married people, but we don't prepare the unmarried for marriage”, the leader of the Bethel Baptist Church says.

“I have heard countless times: ‘I won’t get married because I don't want to be like my dad and mom. Rather than having a family like theirs, I’d prefer to stay single’”.

Another problem he identifies is the “sin” in people’s lives. “The fulfillment of sexual needs makes some people not want a family anymore, not consider investing in this area. When you live in sin, you allow the evil one to trap you and block you”.

Adrian Tămaș fears that many Christians have “internalised the model set by society. When Christ is not the Lord of someone’s life, it is easy to adopt external models that are foreign to the spirit of Scripture”.

“Looking for the perfect person”

The search for the perfect person to meet all expectations in life is another hurdle that makes forming new families more difficult. Evangelical pastor Ninio Decean of Carpenter’s House Church underlines that a family requires love, dedication, and sacrifice.

“I think some people search too much for the right person and forget that, in fact, you don’t find the right person, but you become the right person. Before finding someone perfect to fulfill you, you need to find your identity in God so you can be the answer and the right help for the other person that God brings into your life. I think we search too much and wait for Prince Charming or the ideal princess, believing that person will fulfill all our needs”.

Decean encourages Christians to “return to the Bible, to God’s Word. Your basic and primary needs will only be fulfilled in Christ, only in God. If you understand this, you realize that marriage means struggle, it means hard work, it means sacrifice, it means love, it means respect, it means giving yourself for the other person just as Christ gave His life for the Church. If you understand this, it will be much easier to take the step toward marriage”.

The pornography pandemic

Father Claudiu Melean, a parish priest in St. Alexander Church in Cluj-Napoca, also touches on the issue of pornography consumption.

“Young people are addicted to pornography from a very young age. Because of this, they form an illusion about love, a distorted image of love, and by the time they reach physical maturity, they have consumed all their intimate experiences and are no longer capable of love”.

He continues: “They’ve seen it on TV, on the internet, and they think that’s the reality of love when in fact, it’s a deception, a lie. It’s not real life, it’s not the inner responsibility of the serious and intimate bond between a man and a woman”.

Helping young people mature

Lack of expectations about the future is also a reason for not wanting to get married.

“Look at how hard it is for a family to live in Cluj, to find a rental (the prices are enormous), to find a job”, continues Claudiu Melean. “The causes are many, and we could detail them in various directions. But we need to support young people, both sociologically and spiritually”.